Please Please Don't Digest My Mamma!

Overall Album Score: 7.1 out of 10

Okay kids! It's time to break out those Beatles-style haircuts, strangle your squealing girlfriends, and prepare yourself for the best gawsh-durned boy band since N'Sync! No wait... that should be the other way around, shouldn't it. Yes, it should read: N'Sync is the best boy band since the Beatles. No wait... that still isn't right. "N'Sync" and "best" shouldn't be in the same sentence unless it is in the context of: "The best way to murder an N'Sync member is to..."

Ah! What a terrible introduction to a Beatles album review! But I think terrible introductions are an essential part of a lot of stuff...like entrees at McDonald's...but especially my music reviews.

Well, it is not uncommon knowledge that "Please Please Me" was the first album etched by the Beatles and, strictly speaking, it is probably their worst. But, you know, the Beatles are like an A band, so an A-minus album is still pretty good! (Of course, I'm excluding the Yellow Submarine movie soundtrack, because it doesn't really count.) The whole worst album thing is exemplified by the fact that, I'd say, there are only three tracks worth counting as true Beatles classics. Undisputedly, "Please Please Me" and "Love Me Do" are included on that list. The other, "Twist and Shout," only barely qualifies for the distinction. It is, of course, a cover ... but an extremely good cover, and probably the best rendition of that song ever.

Six of the fourteen songs on this album are covers. Five of these covers pale in comparison in respect to everything else. This is a very strong early indicator of this band's remarkable ability to pen their own songs. And there were no other bands in the eve of the British Invasion (including the Kinks, the Animals, even the Rolling Stones) who indicated such a strong writing ability in their first few albums!

Please Please Me is a good album, but that's all. I think it is an unfortunate mistake that many music critics dismiss this album as perfect. I used the word dismiss, because generally speaking, they only look at the "Greatest Band Ever" tag stamped on the Beatles' legacy without looking for the albums' flaws. Because there ARE many flaws on this album, as there is on EVERY SINGLE BEATLES ALBUM EVER CUT! (Wow, I bet I made some people wet their pants with that statement, and all I can say is that I hope you weren't wearing your best Sunday suit.) Nevertheless, the flaws on later Beatles albums are easily overlooked. However, in "Please Please Me," that is clearly not the case. An outstanding flaw on this album is the songs. Many of them offer very little to me as the listener. Only three (the ones I mentioned earlier) have particularly memorable tunes that you'd (or, more likely, I'd) want to take home with me. Also, the presentation of these songs are truly overrated... they do show supreme skill, but it is evident that the band members were still trying to get comfortable with each other and their trade. (How is it evident? Well, they simply don't show the same gusto as they would present later on in their career.)

The Beatles were a breakthrough band and I guess it is unfair for me to criticize them and this album in respect to their later achievements. But through 21st century eyes, this is how I see the album, and so should everybody else who doesn't hold The Beatles in respect with the archangel. Sorry kids, but that's just the way it's got to be.

Overall Album Score: 7.1 out of 10 (I actually find this a rather trying album to have to sit through. There are a lot of unremarkable songs on here as well compared with other Fab Four outings ... but that's compared to other Fab Four outings!!!!)

Album Tilt: 7.0 (This album is only an okay listen for me. I crave not for it. Besides there being some good songs present on this album, it offers nothing in its global realm.)

Artist Tilt: 6.5 (Eh... perhaps I ought to up this score a little bit considering it was their first outing, but also considering this album is probably the worst in the Beatles' catalogue, it's a very sound score.)

Track Reviews

I Saw Her Standing There 9/10

I was debating whether or not to include this song on the "classic" list, but I decided not to because I simply don't find it particularly outstanding. It's a nice quick-tempoed song that's credited to Lennon & McCartney, and it is also very fun to listen to! It's also played very well, and they definitely sound like they were having fun with it. It was something nice to open the album with!

Misery 7.5/10

This sweet love ballad is a very nice tune, but, again, it doesn't offer me anything too exciting. I know I'm being picky with this (I certainly wouldn't raise the same issues with artists such as Michael Jackson), but I would like to strongly point out that this ain't such a great composition... and the instrumentation isn't special. Still, it's quite a nice, if disposable, early Beatles ditty.

Anna (Go to Him) 7.5/10

The first cover of this album is an unspectacular slow-rocker. I fully acknowledge that it is good (evident by the high rating) but it does nothing for me. In particular, this one sounds very 50's-ish, but I don't hold that against it.

Chains 7/10

Another cover, this is a medium-tempoed song. Again, it's very respectable... but nothing you'd really want to write the cat about.

Boys 6.5/10

Ringo sings! And I'm not depriving this song of a ten because of that, either. It is just very unremarkable. It's kind of a fast song, which I do normally like, but I just don't care much for the tune.

Ask Me Why 6/10

Is it just me or is this album just getting worse? Why were The Beatles famous again? Well fortunately, this album will pick up the next track! Well... this Lennon/McCartney song isn't really bad, it's just easily forgettable. And I had just might as well, because...

Please Please Me 10/10

Finally! This is the Beatles I've been waiting for! Along with the next track, this song really makes the album click for me. The tune is in the same class as the Beatles' most finest compositions and has me singing it in random moments in front of mirrors in public restroom facilities ... it's that good! Best song of the album.

Love Me Do 10/10

It doesn't quite have me to the point of singing it in public restrooms... but a song doesn't need to have that effect in order for me to give it the full 10. A surefire classic, catchy Beatles tune; it certainly had every early-60s teenaged guy's girlfriend screaming her acne cream off. Great song! Easily the second best of the album.

P.S. I Love You 7.5/10

Well, this is a goofy song. Not that it means it's a bad song, of course. Just goofy and a bit syrupy ... and it has the unfortunate quality of being unremarkable like so many other songs on this album.

Baby It's You 6/10

It's when I hit this particular track, I lose interest in the album. It's slow and boring ... but still shows skill, and I can't call it a bad song. The most unremarkable track on the album, but that's not really saying a bad thing because it's still pretty darn good.

Do You Want to Know a Secret 8/10

The lyrics are a bit--well--childish, but this Beatles original does have me bobbing my head in an agreeable manner. Yes, this is a very good song and a fine addition to the album. Oh yeah, Georgie boy sings this one.

A Taste of Honey 7/10

This ain't a bad cover, but this fairly slow song ain't nothing so wonderfully special. So there!

There's a Place 8/10

A Beatles original, sign, sealed, and certified. It's probably an above-average tune in respect with this album, but nothing I get too wildly excited about (with bars of soap).

Twist and Shout 10/10

This song really makes me want to leap onto the coffee table with an old-fashioned 50's microphone wearing a tie and an unbutton dress shirt screaming them lyrics along with John. (And also flirt with the sexy women in weird hairdos dancing on my living room floor.) I think even those who haven't heard this album already know this song ... and the Beatles cover it wonderfully. It's utterly enjoyable and a very nice one to close this whole album with! The full ten goes here!

Hey! Do you agree with this review? Or am I STUPID? Leave your comments here